Wednesday, December 30, 2009

In the beginning, there was a seed.

Hi my name is Ray and on yesterday my daughter called me. Wait, wrong blog...

I am Jessica and I am married to Mark, the creator of this whole idea. He tells me he has a lot of ideas, but keeps a majority of them to himself. I wonder what he comes up with when no one but the voices in his head are listening. He initially wanted to make this experiment last a month, but I talked him down to a week with only a little cajoling. It's harder to do permanent damage to oneself in a week. That and considering we have no experience or infrastructure for this type of undertaking, a week would also be less frustrating. I imagine eating like this will take up every spare moment not spent working or sleeping, and summertime in northeastern Ohio is too precious to waste weary and starving.

Mark was discussing his plans in more detail last night with me and our friend Sarah. It included raising and slaughtering chickens and a pig. When he told me this I actually heard a needle scratching across a vinyl record. First of all, we have less than a postage-sized yard with absolutely no backyard in which to shelter animal life, and death, from the neighbors. I think we have the smallest amount of yard possible to be legally called a yard. Any less and the only outdoor space we'd have would be the driveway and the non-existent planter boxes outside of our windows. I don't know how much space animals require, but I know we ain't got it. Second, I don't know if we are legally allowed to have farm animals, either due to animal cruelty concerns because of the lack of space or from a citywide ban or both. Is there a plan to protect the animals from all the unleashed dogs, stray cats, and asshole kids wandering the streets? Finally I am a hypocritical carnivore. I eat meat but I don't want to see it in all its various stages before it reaches my plate.

Speaking of legality, I don't know what the laws are for foraging on public land - not that discerning private property is always clear, especially in the county. I don't think Mark would get busted for taking some soybeans from public hunting grounds per se but I liken it to going five miles per hour over the speed limit. It's not worth an officer's time to pull you over unless he (or she) wants to be a prick or bust you for something else and is looking for an excuse to get the ball rolling. Plus there is the distant possibility of armed crazies mistaking foraging for stealing and/or trespassing.

So why are we doing this? I don't know if Mark is preparing for the (biblical, Mayan, zombie) apocalypse or if his anti-establishment leanings are getting more severe now that he's older and has no human co-workers to keep him in check. As for me I could tell you I am doing this because of some desire to save the world or improve my health but that would be a lie. I am doing this because I am beyond lazy and rarely prepare food for myself. Mark, restaurants, and prepackaged food makers prepare a vast majority of what I consume, and since Mark is doing this, I am doing this. Did you really expect me to change my behavior on the whim of my husband? Puh-leez.

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